Cruise Friends
Basically I am a novelist. I have written one terrorist thriller entitled Nine Lives Too Many and a suspenseful, modern ghost story called The Daemon in Our Dreams. I have a new novel forthcoming which deals with rice queens. Most of my fictional activities are chronicled on my website www.senneffhouse.com . Every once in a while I like to go back to where I started as a writer in the field of travel writing. My roots. I particularly like travel writing with bits of humor interspersed. Here s a sample:
If you’ve ever been on a cruise ship, perhaps you’ve met my friends. After a while, you just become one big, dysfunctional family.
Cruising Chester:
...big ships, there are several small ships offering Alaskan cruises for those on tighter budgets. Small ships provide more adventure and offshore activities than bigger ships. They may carry less than 100 passengers. Some companies providing small ships for Alaskan ...
Pilot Boat Phil: “I take pictures of the pilots and pilot boats in every port. I have a collection of over 200 different pilots. And I rate them. When the seas are rough, and they make a smooth transfer, they get a 10. If the ship stops to pick them up, they don’t get a good rating. The best one ever was in the English Channel. The pilot
...other areas, there are laws about who can marry people and where. This can vary from ship to ship and sea to sea. The Captain of the ship usually cannot do the marriage ceremony. Sometimes a notary or a non-denominational ...
Lecturing Larry: “Excuse me. Did I hear you say you’ve never been to Monaco? The population is 31,719; the area is three-quarters of a square mile; the national budget is …”
Betty the Barracuda: “My sign is Gemini, and your sign is Taurus. You know what that means. I love the way that gold chain of yours nestles so nicely in the black hair on your chest. If you hadn’t told me you were on Medicare, I’d never have thought it. I was thinking mid-40s.”
Grandma and Grandpa Klutz: “And this is a picture of our grandson climbing up
...their own characteristics. Decide what type of cruise you are interested in, traditional (assigned seating and time at meals) vs. freestyle (eat wherever or whenever you want), or family oriented vs. adult oriented. Then look at the cruise line that ...
Travel Agent Teddy: “What did you pay? Oh, too bad. I could have gotten your cabin for $300, including port charges, airfare and transfers. I always get three category upgrades for my clients. Next time call me. My number is 800-SAVALOT. I always send a bottle of Norwegian champagne to a client’s room.”
Boring Brad: “Uh, I was in this place in 1964, and they had, uh, a good beer in a place at some beach, and, uh, I think I went swimming here. Maybe not …”
Booze Cruise Betty: “What’s the next port?
...Princess Cruises, Radisson Seven Seas Cruises, Royal Caribbean, Seabourn Cruise Line, Silver Sea Cruises and the Windstar cruises. All these cruises differ in the amenities they provide. Carnival cruises form the world s largest fleet of cruise liners, with a ...
Fred and Ginger: “We’ve been on hundreds of cruises. They call us the king and queen of ballroom dancing. We dance before dinner, after dinner, at tea dance, at the captain’s reception, in the ship’s atrium. You name it. We can do every dance from the samba to the tango, jitterbug, whatever. Fred’s a podiatrist, and I work for Saks Fifth Avenue in the shoe department. We’re ballroom dancers extraordinaire.”
Claude, the Wanna-Be Captain: “The ship lists three
...and Orient are considered small and exotic cruise lines. Crystal Cruise lines are also known as the Best Large Ship Cruise Line. The Crystal Symphony ship can house 940 passengers, and Crystal Serenity 1,080 passengers. These ships are known for ...
Ralph, the Restaurant Critic: “The food on Celebrity is slightly more ostentatious than the food on Costa. The dinner rolls on Princess have more body than those on Carnival. Royal Caribbean’s corned beef hash for breakfast is coarser than the hash on Norwegian Cruise Line.”
Seasick Sam: “I’m wearing nine patches. They said to wear one on your navel, so I am. Last night I thought I was going to die. I haven’t even seen the dining room, and we disembark tomorrow.”
Camcorder Calvin: “Would you let me in next to the rail?
...cruise destinations, providing the opportunity to experience a wonderful vacation with family. A cruise to the Bahamas offers a wide range of attractions that can match every interest. Leading travel agencies arrange discount Bahamas cruises for visitors to almost all ...
Dine-Around Julia and Jesse: “In the morning we have fruit and muffins in the Lido, waffles in the dining room, bouillon on deck at 11, lunch in the Lido, tea and cakes at four, hot hors d’oeuvres in the bar for cocktails, first-seating dinner in the dining room, pizza at 10 in the pizzeria, salads and desserts at the midnight buffet, and before we go to bed, we order BLTs from room service. Neither one of us has ever had angioplasty.”
The Light-Tipping Lewises: “We don’t believe in all this tipping
...up, and away almost to Siberia. It's a dream, isn't it? Wrong! If you are planning on traveling to Europe and you think cruising is the most expensive way, you are making a serious mistake. There are many ways of ...
Bingo Bertha: “I always go to progressive bingo. I get seven cards for each game, and I can poke out those little holes faster than they can call out the numbers. If they don’t have bingo in heaven, I ain’t going. They better have a
...west, and the forested mountains to the east, Sitka is considered by many to be the most beautiful of the seaside Alaska towns. The vistas of the area are a large reason why Alexander Baranof, the first Russian Governor of ...
Lifeboat Drill Lenny: “Hey, you’ve got those straps on wrong. Hey, you’re missing a whistle. Hey, your light isn’t working. Hey, Mister, that strap is supposed to come up through your crotch. Hey, ma’am, please don’t drag your straps through the halls.”
Preparedness Patsy: “On a seven-day cruise, I pack my bags for disembarkation on the fourth day, and I have my luggage in the hall on the fifth night. I’m always the first one off the ship.”
Dolly, the Queen of Disasters: “I’ve read every book and seen every movie about the
...and then, worst of all .. having to put the threads on. For other men, it's the romantic ecstasy of seeing your dazzling beauty dressed in her finest, and walking arm-in-arm through the elegant dining room. For some women, it's ...
Me: I never get seasick; I’m not pedantic, not a cruise maven, not a glutton. But you know what? I do think that the fruit selection they give you in the cabin is better on Royal Caribbean than Princess, and the ship’s newspaper on Celebrity is more literate than the one on Carnival.
John (Jack) Rooney is the author of the terrorist thriller Nine Lives Too Many featuring
...ship in the Vista-class series, Noordam will accommodate 1,848 passengers. The new cruise ship is the first to be designed for Holland America s Signature of Excellence program. A number of design enhancements are included to the public areas and ...
He was born and educated in Springfield, Massachusetts (Classical High School and American International College). He wrote book reviews and feature articles for the Springfield newspapers.
After receiving his M.A. in Arts and Science from Columbia University, he worked for the Cunard Cruise Lines as a business correspondent at 25 Broadway, went on to serve in the U.S. Army as a
...loved one? 3. What cruise line should I consider for my vacation cruise? 4. What stateroom category would best suit my vacation needs? 5. How can I compare cruise vacation deals? More questions. Perhaps we can answer a few of ...